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No more ‘just the way things are’
If I could wish on a December super moon, large and bright enough to grant both Christmas requests and New Year resolutions, I’d wish for a Trinidad and Tobago where I didn’t have to write so repeatedly about sexual violence.
I’d lift spirits with a story of Ziya discovering Queen Latifah and Monie Love’s 1989 feminist hit, Ladies First, and it rolling on repeat through this week’s traffic while she excessively bops her neck and spits like they do, “Some think that we can’t flow (can’t flow)/Stereotypes, they got to go (got to go).”
It’s all in that song. Opening shots of women rebels like Sojourner Truth, Harriet Tubman, Angela Davis and a young Winnie Mandela.
“Ain’t I a Woman,” they would ask, and don’t I deserve every right due to me, every moment of equality and every experience of unthreatened freedom?
Later, a chorus follows that flips “ladies first” into reverse, from mere precious chivalry to women exercising self-defining political and lyrical power.
The video backdrop is a bombed-out housing project which, when we cut to BBC world radio, mixes straight to breaking images of a bombed-out Aleppo.
Queen La foregrounds news footage of armed struggle against apartheid in South Africa.
I show Zi Google images of children on the other side of the world so that she can make sense of today’s news.
Truth is, I haven’t yet figured out how to script for what’s present and here. After remembering the names of 47 women killed this year, at last Saturday’s Life in Leggings gathering, I returned home feeling despair.
Ziya knows about patriarchy, simplified as “when men think they are more powerful than women,” but I don’t have adequate language to talk to her about why the flow of some women’s lives is abruptly stopped or how much longer it will take to end stereotypes that got to go.
The message to girls is to learn to protect themselves, but how to explain why they are so vulnerable to sexual harm, and why self-defence classes are as much a solution as Aleppo’s destruction.
TTPS report that, in 2015, there were 180 female rape victims under 18 years old plus 109 over 18. Officially classified as “rape,” though indicating a different kind of vulnerability, particularly without proper sex education in schools, sex with females 14-16 years old accounted for 137 cases while sex with females under 14 years old accounted for 112 cases.
That was last year alone, and only rape cases that reached the police.
The last thing those girls need to be asked is, why didn’t you fight back, like an out of timing tune whose refrain is, what more could you have done to stop this happening to you.
In war-free T&T, I’m clear about which lyrics to flip. The first is that girls and women have personal responsibility for our safety. No. We do not open ourselves up to attack anytime.
Sex crimes are the responsibility of the attacker, whether it happens at home by someone a girl knows or on in public by a stranger. Sexual violence is neither normal nor inevitable.
It is not “just the way things are.”
Sexuality spliced with everyday violence is fundamentally a sign of things not being as they should be.
This creates rape culture, where gender-based violence is sexualised, and where there is pervasive and passive acceptance of female vulnerability, victim-blaming and hyper-masculinity.
Verse after verse, voice after voice, we must hold governments accountable, whether in relation to the never-approved national gender policy or in relation to the never-implemented National Strategic Action Plan on Gender Based and Sexual Violence.
Back-up voices must pitch for police and judiciary accountability, and successful prosecution of the majority of cases, stopping in its tracks such repetitive impunity.
In the dark night sky that will usher in a new year, enough stars will be visible for every one of these wishes, though all they really require is state and social will.
When Zi asks, why violence against women, why Aleppo, and I turn off the radio, not knowing exactly what to say, you’ll understand why some mornings I turn up the volume and set Ladies First on replay.
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