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Brothers in Ears
Four years ago God the Uncle—my imaginary Uncle Godfrey—called me to sum up the Bible in the voice of Kenrick, the kind of tess who leaves Port-of-Spain and goes to Syria to fight jihad for the Shaitanic State but demands poncha crema and ham at Christmas.
I return to (Uncle) God’s work today because he wants me to finish Genesis fast and move on to the perhaps more-relevant Book of Revelation; and to avoid thinking about the Turkey voting for World War III by shooting down Russian jets.
Last day, in the earliest manifestation of Steven Spielberg’s company’s name—Dream Works—Joseph interpreted Pharoh’s dreams of seven skinny cows eating seven ears of corn and got out of the Egyptian jail Potiphar had put him in.
The Twenty-Second Bit of the First Book of BC, called Corn Breds The Book of Skulls, called Bluff (A Summation of Genesis Chapters 42-)
And, Jacob (aka Israel), which was Joseph’ father, did see it had corn in Egypt, whereby Joseph had interpret Pharoh dream and store up the excess corn before the famine, nuh, and Jacob tell them same brothers of Joseph who had sell him out to Potiphar to left Canaan and go and buy some Egyptian corn, so them wouldn’ta starve.
And all ten brothers went for corn, excepting Ben Jammin, the musician one, becaw Jacob did well have he favourites, just like all them Syrian in Town and Indian in the country, who does cause strife in the family by liking one son more better than the next one, but it doesn’t cause too much trouble, once it ent the dotish son they like the most.
And was Joseph-self who did selling the corn, don’t mind he was the CEO of Egyptian Corn, and to see him selling would come like you go in a Apple store and is Steve Jobs cleaning hard drive behind the counter, but don’t mind that, God does move in mysterious ways His chirren to mamaguy.
And Joseph recongise all his brothers but he make himself strange to them, so them ent make he out, and them did well begging for corn becaw mankind did starving in the Canaan.
But Joseph well rough them up and tell them, All you is spy, come to scope out the nakedness of the land—like it did always have inter-Semite tension in the Holy Land, and like it did always have porn, everywhere—but Joseph brothers say, Nah, Boss, we is all brothers, one man’s sons, and is corn we come to buy!
We is 12 brothers, Boss, but the little one stop home with Daddy and it have one what gone through.
And Joseph say, Firetruck that, all you is spy, and I locking one of all you up until you all brings the youngest brother to prove you all isn’t spy (although it never had no spy, in the whole history of espionage, who coulda prove he wasn’t a spy because he had a younger sibling; or even a older one; gyul or boy). Otherwise, I will kill all of all-you mother-sew-and-sew-until-she-make-a-dress!
And Reuben tell he brothers, You see, I did telling you all not to sell Joseph. Mankind did spoke unto you like a bicycle wheel but you all didn’t listen; now Pharaoh Corn CEO going and jostle we.
And, all this while, Joseph well following the talk, becaw he did speak Hebrew, but he did pretend to be talking to them through a interpreter.
And Joseph did well weeping and thing, but he make as eef and turn and snatch up his brother Simeon and tie his ass up like a ’guana in Central Market.
And they laded up their asses with corn, which sound painful, and departed thence.
But Joseph did sneak and put back een they cash in they bags, so it come like he give them the corn, which them find out when they went to provender the ass and them, and the brethren get well beh-beh, wondering what it is God do them, not realising was Joseph and he tricks of many colours, nuh.
And when them reach back home by Jacob, and they find all the cash Joseph put back in the sacks, them get real FRY-KEN! And you know the Bible is a holy book in true, becaw them was the onliest Middle-Easterners in any book and any time who did ever worry ’bout collecting wares and not paying for it.
And Jacob say he not sending Ben Jammin to Pharoah, becaw Joseph gone, and Simeon tie up, and to send Ben Jammin would be to throw living son after dead one.
But all man belly was griping, becaw them eat out the corn real fast, as it didn’t have in much corn in them sack, what with Joseph putting back in the money and thing, so Jacob (aka Israel) tell them to take Ben Jammin, and some balm and double-the-money and some spice and honey and the omnipresent myrhh and maybe the Pharaoh Corn CEO mightn’t lash them.
And Joseph did ease them up becaw them did bring Ben Jammin.
And Joseph bowels did yearn for his brother, which really don’t sound good, like the laded asses, but God knows the Bible mean it in a good way, nothing to do with neither evacuation nor ejaculation.
And Joseph went and hide in chamber, not for the bowels, but to dry he eyes, and he bring out Simeon, and it had party in the place, and all man had a time, but Ben Jammin time, and Ben Jammin messes was five times everybody else one.
Which mighta be good, or bad, for Ben Jammin.
- BC Pires is waiting, with only seven more verses left in Genesis, for a good season finale.
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