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‘The plot fail bad, bad’

Published: 
Wednesday, April 1, 2015

​“Boysie, we party (UNC) looking like we in danger in this election, corruption after corruption and nepotism allegations weighing down we government so I have a diabolical plot to turn things around.  

“First thing, ah go make this into a presidential election because we Queen “smelling like ah rose,” forget ’bout all the bacchanal and the tiefing and ting. 

And we putting the Queen up against a “commoner” who ah lot of people don’t like; we have stories on him that go make him look like de devil self and the brown-skin middle class, who don’t belong to we party, go vote for we.”

“Here’s the plot; and it ent no All Fools joke.

“They say the Commoner like woman bad, bad. We go send ah 17-year old Indian gyul to wine on him in the band; that will be the set-up. Yuh know how that go offend some people. It will make him into a man who like 17-year olds. Keep in mind that age, “17,” as the plot unfolds.

“Next step, bring ah no-confidence motion against the Commoner in the Parliament.” 

“Why the Parliament Glasses-man, that’s a hallowed place as they say yuh cyah get on bad in they?”

“No Boysie, they have what they call “privilege” in they that means you say anything against anyone “no police ent see.” So we could mauvais langue him free-sheet, and in any case we could always “apologise” from one side ah we mouth after.

“Inside there is “Tobago Love” in action, because we have a woman name Charlotte who go play she self on the Commoner and nobody could say that is ah UNC versus Tobago thing.  

“Charlotte go buss mark after mark in the House; and hear the kinda rake she go drop on them. “Once upon ah time ah meet ah old man in ah village in Tobago who tell me that a young girl went to ah coalspit to carry food for she fadder, the fadder wasn’t there so she fadder friend eat de food and rape she.”

“But Glasses-boy, how Charlotte could go into this big Parliament where yuh suppose to bring facts not nancy story and say “ah old man give meh …?”  

“Boysie, it go be “gloves-off on de Commoner,” mark my word that is the permission we will get.”

“Boysie boy, the long and short of Charlotte’s story is that de father of the Commoner was a rapist and that he followed his father and he himself became a rapist, with a specialty of wining on 17-year olds.”

“But Glasses-man, how Charlotte go justify that theory: because de father was ah rapist, de son is ah rapist?”   

“Well Boysie, ah don’t know if you know, but Charlotte is ah bush psychologist who uses to teach psychology.”

“She have papers?”  

“No, but she go expound on she theory and say when ah man rape ah woman and she carry de child, that child bound to be a rapist and he go be always angry. She go be quoting from Freud and Jung and other big pappy psychologists.

“Don’t worry, ah tell yuh ahready Parliament is ah bacchanal place; look ah big man in de law, ah senior counsel, say so in black and white in de papers.

“When them people who ent in my party or the other big party hear the bacchanal, they go reject ah raper man as their prime minister and my Queen will get back she wuk to relax and say “I was not advised.”

“But Glasses, the Queen is ah proper lady she ent go like that and people go say she ent get up and stop Charlotte from saying them thing.”

“Bredder man we plan everything; the Queen will absent herself from the chamber when Charlotte talking so she could say she did not know what was going down and then she go say she accept the apology from Charlotte.  

“Meantime, when people licking up the Commoner, the Queen could call the election fast, fast and in two-twos meh party inside for another five years and so all ah we investors jumping up; is 300 billion and more involved yuh know and ah saving men from jail too.”

Post script

“Well Glasses, ah see yuh plot fail bad, bad; the Commoner and he party walk out even before Charlotte buss de mark. And the medias an dem focus dey story on the walk out and how Charlotte scandalise the living and the dead, and now they have a tape from the mother and the son and she say she ent get rape, she did like the Commoner long time.”

“Boysie ah did not think dem fellas had the “intellectual capacity,” head nah, to pull a stunt like that. But ah have to blame we colleagues who was supposed to get de woman swearing that she was raped by the Commoner, them two things went against meh plot; but I ent done.”

“But Glasses, dey go throw Charlotte under de bus?”   

“Nah they cyah do dat, that big Tobago woman go pull them under the bus with she.”

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